I’m constantly questioning myself…my decisions, my actions, my thoughts, my beliefs…Sometimes I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore. Sometimes I wish my mind would just calm down! The Lord is on my side and is giving me obstacles that will only make me a better person. Yes, it may drag me down temporarily, but only to leave lasting effects that will benefit my life as a whole. I just need to be patient through this process. I must believe in myself and my capabilities and I need to accept that I am the only person who can define me. If I want to see myself as a great role model and inspiration, I need to prove it to MYSELF, not others. I guess I just feel like I’ve been losing purpose. I feel like I’ve already hit some sort of “maximum”. But there is no such thing as a maximum. Sometimes I feel like everything I do isn’t enough sometimes. But what the hell am I striving for exactly? I always feel the need to be the BEST at everything I do, which is good and bad. Because it motivates me, but it also hinders me since I’m so hard on myself. If I want to keep on improving ,I must find a way to challenge myself as a person. If I want to grow and if I want to learn I need to accept the struggle that comes along with the great gift of success. Nothing comes easy. I need to silence my insecurities and silence the negative thoughts. I need to move forward and act confidently.
Having that one friend you suddenly don’t talk to anymore or the vibe just doesn’t feel right…
But you don’t want to be the one to ask if there’s anything wrong because you don’t want to show that you’re over thinking or care too much.
And I know, I know “communication is everything”. I just personally really hate dealing with things that aren’t BIG problems. If I can shake it off. I will.
Thinking about my future makes me feel nauseous at times. But I just have to keep working hard and see where life takes me. I need to keep my mind on plan A, and stop prepping for plan B, it’s distracting. Just keep going. And if plan A doesn’t work, THEN go for B. EYES ON THE PRIZE.
Whatever I end up doing, I’ll be successful.
I’m not going to be someone I’m not. Even though that “someone” may be “better” than the person I am right now. I want to be the best version of MYSELF. And I am the only person who can DEFINE what that is. And I am happy with the person I am, and happy with the person I want to be. Nothing and no one will change that.
I feel like anyone who posts something sad or mad or crying out for some sort of help…at that immediate moment they’re hoping a SPECIFIC someone could come to their rescue and ask if every things oka. Because that certain someone is the one that they know will turn their day around. My question is… why can’t they just immediately go to that person…instead of HOPING and WAITING.
I love seeing people when they’re in their zone. When a dancer is on the dance floor. When an actor is on stage. When a spoken word artists grabs a mic… It’s the space where that person LIVES and you see such a unique and extraordinary spark in their eyes. And it becomes even more fascinating when their passion is sooo much that it affects those around them. Where people at a large radius from them can FEEL their love. That undying and most genuine love for their craft. It brings even more warmth to my heart when the person teaches or tries to explain their craft. And when they try to synchronize their mind and heart with yours. Because you can just tell that the words they’re articulating just flow so effortlessly because they’re so well educated on their craft that they don’t even have to THINK of what they’re saying they just feel it. And they just express it. Words just flood out and you can tell they’re speaking from their heart not their mind. It’s just beautiful seeing someone get so taken away with something they love to do. And how love can be expressed not only for people or living things… But for an art. A love that YOU can CREATE for yourself. Waaaahhh! :]
Family, academics/career, health (mental&physical) ALWAYS come first. Take care of yourself. You may want to devote your time in this or that. But remember, to keep your priorities straight. The above listed are MINE. Your list could be completely different. If people judge you for straying away from the things at the “bottom” of your to do list, FCK IT. They don’t know you, they don’t know your life, they don’t know your struggles. People are SO MUCH MORE than what they bring to the table. So many of us cover up our pains with a smile for the benefit of others and to just get through another day. So give respect to one another, because you don’t know what someone could be going through. What I’m trying to say is that… don’t worry about others…worry about yourself first and positive energy will follow. Know and accept your limits. Work to extend them but don’t strain them. It’s like working out lol, it’s a gradual build up, but if you overwork yourself and break a leg that’ll prolong you from reaching your ultimate goals. Take things step by step and breathe.